Tuesday 31 December 2013

Yes he walked my road, and he felt my pain

From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin's faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav'n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell 
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel

King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again -
I will follow my Immanuel!

Through the kisses of a friend's betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world's transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free -
Death defeated by Immanuel!

Now He's standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover's arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!


As I sit here as the clock strikes midnight and we enter into 2014 I cannot help the tears flood me and stream down my face, another year of pain.  I have had an awful few weeks filled with pain and I have been trying to hide that from everyone at all costs, I am scared, I am tired beyond tired.  I'm tired of being tired, I am tired of being in pain, I am tired of feeling ill, I am tired of not sleeping, I am tired of my limitations, I am tired of feeling like this.  I am fed up.  I am hurting and I feel alone.  God feels far away, distant, irrelevant.

Then I remember these words… yes he walked my road, and he felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet his righteous steps, give me hope again - I will follow my Immanuel.

And then I realise Jesus walked my road and he felt my pain.  He has been here, he has done it and so he knows what it is like to be me.  He knows what it is like to feel pain and to feel sorrow, he knows what it feels like to be abandoned, rejected to feel awful beyond awful.

He did that all for me.  For the awful wretch I am.  So I can have life in him, so I can despite my broken sinful self one day stand in heaven face-to-face with my loving saviour in all his wonderful glory pain free forever!

And so I enter 2014 knowing that even if it brings more pain, more tiredness, more illness that whatever I face Jesus has faced it too - he knows exactly what I am going through and exactly how I feel. 

Immanuel, God is with us.


Saturday 23 November 2013

All Right

I love the quote in the film The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel "Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."

I think that this quote is relevant for the Christian life.

Whatever struggles, challenges, difficulties or hardships we may face in the day to day of life we can be sure that in the end everything will be all right.  Not alright in the sense that it will be ok but everything will be all right.  One day everything will be restored to what it was meant to be and everything will be completely right.

We have the comfort that although things may not even be alright now, one day they will be all right, forever.

Sunday 29 September 2013

Do not be afraid, for it is I.

I was reminded this morning of one of my favourite stories in the bible, one which I am most encouraged by.  It is where Jesus walks on the water.

Matthew 14v22-27

22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds,he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. Whenevening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

The disciples are in a storm and are terrified.  It often feels as though we are in a storm, like life is getting too much, too big, too heavy and it is all about to come crashing down around us.  It can feel like we are barely still afloat and like we are about to be pulled under any second.  Jesus walks on water.  He is over it, reigning it and ruling it.  The storm is not too big for him.

He doesn't say 'O Heck, this problem's a bit too big for me to handle.'  No the words he says are such a comfort and encouragement when in the midst of the storms in our lives.





"Take heart; do not be afraid.  For it is I."

It is him, it is Jesus.  The same then, today and forever.  We do not need to be afraid, we can take heart for He is with us.

Saturday 17 August 2013

Endless Hallelujah!

I love the lyrics of Matt Redman's song "Endless Hallelujah".  The first time I heard it I cried at the beautiful lyrics (happy tears, of course!)


When I stand before Your throne
Dressed in glory not my own
What a joy I'll sing of on that day
No more tears or broken dreams
Forgotten is the minor key
Everything as it was meant to be

And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
And endless hallelujah to the King

I will see You as You are
Love You with unsinning heart
And see how much You paid to bring me home
Not till then, Lord, shall I know
Not till then, how much I owe
Everything I am before Your throne

And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
And endless hallelujah to the King

No more tears, no more shame
No more sin and sorrow ever known again
No more fears, no more pain
We will see You face to face
See You face to face

And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
And endless hallelujah to the King

And endless hallelujah to the King
We'll sing
And endless hallelujah to the King


Heaven is going to be such an outstandingly jaw-droppingly indescribable place.  I think it is so helpful to be looking forwards to Heaven though as a correct view of eternity will completely change the way we live now.  It is really hard though to imagine and look forward to something that is so unimaginably great.  I love finding songs etc that other people have written that beautifully say a picture of what Heaven will be like and help me to have a glimpse into it.

I love the picture of 'everything as it was meant to be'.  I think that so often in life things feel so wrong, they hurt and they don't feel right.  Things feel unfair and they don't seem like they should be.  Natural disasters, cancer, disease, war, death.  What a comfort that these things aren't right, they aren't natural but they won't be like this forever - everything will be as it was meant to be, as it was created.  Happy, happy days!

The picture of seeing Jesus as he is, in all the fullness of his glory makes my heart sing.  We will see the price that it was for us to be forgiven and then realise just how much we are loved.  A totally unconditional, completely undeserved yet overwhelmingly great love.  Bliss!

'No more tears, no more shame.  No more sin and sorrow ever known again.  No more fears.  No more pain!' These words speak for themselves and maybe the ideas are very familiar - when we think of Heaven maybe we do think of no more tears or pain.  Knowing that some of the things that may plague us and eat us up day in day out will be no more is wonderful.

Having an eternal and Heavenly perspective means whatever this life may bring, whatever we may face we can go through it full of hope.

No more tears.  No more shame.  No more sin.  No more sorrow.  No more fear.  No more pain.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!






Sunday 11 August 2013

Death has now been swallowed up in victory!

Whilst I was at contagious last summer as part of one of the seminar's we were looking at death.  It is a hard topic to look at and think about because socially it is such a taboo subject.

Me and the precious little boy

Some people may argue that death is just a natural part of life and that everyone dies and it is normal - it just happens.
Taken just two days before he died

A very special little boy who was very precious and dear to me died just over a year ago aged just 12 years old.  Is death natural?  No.  I can tell you it is not and I think the same would be said of anyone who has had a close friend or family member die.

It feels wrong.  That's because it is.  Death was not part of creation and it will not be part of the new creation.  I long for my friend not to be dead.  I long to see his smile, hear his laugh, just be able to spend more time with him.  What a comfort to know that through Christ death has been swallowed up in victory!


















What a fantastic truth to hold onto.

Death feels so 'stingy'.  It feels so permanent.  It feels so definite, so inevitable.  Like there's no point fighting it as it is going to win eventually, no matter what we do.




Death does not reign victorious, Jesus does!

Monday 25 March 2013

Weakness


Suzy was on crutches,
Suzy was weak,
Suzy was a cripple,
Suzy was exhausted,
Suzy was in pain.


This has been circulating around Facebook and a lot of my friends have shared it (a while ago now because I have had this post in my drafts for months!).  I thought it was a really good reminder of how God uses the weak and it is certainly a comfort as I feel so weak and as though God could never use me.  I added my own few to the bottom of the list and there are so many more I could have put.  It is so encouraging that God doesn't choose the strong and powerful and problem free perfect people.  He uses ordinary people with weaknesses and flaws.  It is so encouraging to know that God's grace and power doesn't rely on us being strong but is totally down to him.  No matter how weak, insignificant, useless and flawed we may feel God still uses us and can even use these weaknesses to show his power perfectly.  Amazing!


Thursday 31 January 2013

Are you sitting in the big fish?

Last week I wrote about how I feel I am 'in the belly'.  I love this song by FFH.  Its a fun song but also has great lyrics.  

I particularly love the second verse where it talks about our inadequacies that we can feel:

You're one brick short of a load now brother
You're one shot away from a bullseye
You are missing the mark on your spiritual walk
You started walking away now you're sinking -
Into the deep, wake up from the sleep
See your one fry short of a happy meal
You are incomplete by your own deceit
You turned your back, now you're going swimming


We often feel like we just aren't good enough and however hard we try we never quite match up to the mark and the truth is that well we don't ever match up to the mark.  This can leave us feeling rubbish and insignificant.  

But the song goes on to this:

You're sinking low how low can you go
So low that you don't know which way to go
To the truth or to the dare?
If you take the dare then you'll be swallowed there
But run to the truth and you will find
That a rescue arrives just in time
To pick you up back on your feet
Obedience is neat.


In those times when we are feeling one fry short of a happy meal (that metaphor made me smile...) all we need to do is turn to the truth and run to God.  Through Christ we are more than enough - He completes us and fills us.  It is such a relief that it isn't down to us to the reach the mark or hit the bullseye as we would never be able to do it.  Thankfully we don't need to - Jesus has already done it for us.  He asks us to come as we are, not try to do a dodgy DIY job of fixing ourselves first.




Monday 21 January 2013

I'm in the belly!


A few weeks ago now (sorry for my slowness!) I wrote a little bit about Jonah (Why why Jonah why?)  and I thought I would share about my main encouragement I got from the weekend learning about Jonah.

"The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.  To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever" Jonah 2v5-6  
Here Jonah is literally at the lowest of the low - I mean he is saying these words from inside a fishes gut!  He had  been as far from God as he could have been.  Jonah actually tries to flee from God.  

But then Jonah prays to God and says these words:
"When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple." Jonah 2v7

Now I had never really thought about the 'in the belly' bit of Jonah before.  I am so used to seeing children's picture bible story books on it where you see Jonah in slightly ripped clothes sitting in what looks like quite a pleasant warm comfortable pink bouncy castle.  I even remember seeing one image where Jonah was sat on a wooden chair inside the belly!! (All the images to the right are ones I found on google which I thought were the funniest bad ones!)

Thing is that is totally not what the case would have been - Jonah was inside a fish for 3 whole days.  It would have been dark, rank, disgusting and very stinky!  He would have been surrounded by and sat amongst bits of dead fish and sea debris.  Absolutely AWFUL!

Jonah had seriously reached the pits - the lowest of the low!  Things couldn't really have got any worse

Yet what we read next in the bible is surprising (well I found it surprising anyway!) 
"But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you."  Jonah 2v9
Jonah is still in the belly here but he is filled with a deep sense of joy.  That seems crazy - how can you be deeply and genuinely joyful when you are sitting amongst caucuses in a fishes belly, serious?!?  Jonah is so filled with joy that he is shouting grateful praise.

This is pretty hard to understand - how can someone in such a rank situation with what seems like nothing to be thankful for be filled with such joy?  He has joy that can only come from God.  Such a deep and solid joy that is not dependant on circumstances, emotions or us, but on God and what He has done for us.

And to be honest I really feel as though I am in the belly.  My situation feels pretty rank. Life is hard, tough and painful.  And its been a lot longer than 3 days (1302 days on crutches so far!)

Even when Jonah was in the middle of a fish in the depth of the sea and called out to God, God heard him.  God didn't ignore Jonah but God did not make the fish spit Jonah up straight away - He waited 3 days.  I don't know why He waited 3 days, but He did and He was in control the whole time.

Yet it was inside the belly that Jonah was so joyful - he wasn't miserable and then once God had rescued him and taken him out of the nasty situation then joyful and thankful.

It is the same for me - life is so tough and hard and painful yet I am not miserable - I am joyful.  I often feel like giving up and like I want to cry, I often feel sad, but I am still joyful.  Jonah called out to God from the deep and God heard him and listened.  I can cry out to God whilst I am feeling rubbish and he hears me and listens to me and is filling me with His joy day after day.

Wednesday 9 January 2013

My Testimony

Two years ago today, on January 9th 2011 I got baptised.  It was a very special day when I was able to reflect back on just how much God has done in my life and just how far He has brought me and I was able to give Him the glory for that.  I thought I would share my testimony on here.


I was very blessed to be born into a loving Christian family who always taught me the wonderful truths of the gospel.  I was also very blessed to be brought up in the Beeston Free church family going to all the kids groups.  They were all fantastic at having the gospel message at the centre of them and so I always knew that Jesus had died on the cross to save my sins but yet I never really bothered to act on it.  I always got taught at Sunday school that coming to church didn’t make you a Christian yet somehow I never really related that to me.  I would always have called myself a Christian and sitting in Sunday school I may have appeared like one on the outside – I always knew the answers and I never doubted that any of it was true, but I suppose that was all Jesus meant to me – a nice story that we could read before bed and hear about on Sundays.

It was before I started the youth group when I was in Discoverers that I realised that actually God needed to mean more to me than just this friendly nice story.  There was a small amount of time when I’d just started secondary school when if someone asked me if I was a Christian my answer would be, well I believe the bible is true and I go to church but I don’t want to call myself a Christian. 

It was when I started the youth group that God really put these things on my heart.  We did some much deeper bible study and that really helped me to start taking God much more seriously.  We did a bible study one evening on Mark 13 and we got to the section about the day and hour unknown.  We were talking about whether or not we would be ready for Jesus’s return.  I distinctly remember one of the leaders looking up and saying, just because Jesus made these promises 2000 years ago does it mean they are old and outdated?  Of course not, it just means that we are 2000 years nearer to it happening.  Something just clicked that night and I realised that even though Jesus had done everything for me and it was all there waiting I hadn’t yet accepted it.  I had gradually realised that I was a sinner but had never really thought about asking for forgiveness and so that night I gave my life to Christ.  God had finally made me realise that He was coming back again and as a judge and when He did I wasn’t ready.
I had learnt that God gave the ultimate sacrifice – His one and only son.  He had given up everything, taken all my sin onto Him.  I didn’t have to do anything. It was all down to God and all by what He had done.  I deserve death but I have a merciful and completely loving heavenly father who is compassionate to me and I wanted to have a personal relationship with Him.

I am very blessed to be able to go to contagious (a Christian camp) every year where we get a week of solid bible teaching which is so helpful, encouraging and uplifting.  Two years ago (well, 4 now...) we had a talk on the lullabies of this world and just how easy as a young Christian it is to give up on it all and to turn our backs on God and to go back to a worldly and sinful  way of living.  God really spoke to me in this talk and I was very moved by it.  It was then that I decided that this is my new life now in Christ and I was not going to let myself slip away from it.  I wanted to make a commitment to God and wanted to show everyone else my commitment to God and my love for Jesus - I love Jesus so much and am striving in my life to serve him but I am still a sinner and still regularly muck up.  This is when I decided I wanted to get baptised.

Unfortunately I had just got on crutches at that time and so decided it would make sense just to wait the few weeks until I was off them... only that never really happened.  Although I do not know when I will be pain free and walking and how long that will be God still continually blesses me so, so, SO much and one thing I can be certain of is that one day I will be dancing with my loving saviour pain free in heaven forever.